In first grade, I fell in love with a boy named Billy Brisco. He was sooooo cute. He rode the bus (I walked). He was a grade older than me. He had swoopy hair and light freckles. He smacked his gum. We would have made cute babies. The next year, I walked in the front door of my elementary school to find he'd changed districts and I just knew I'd never see him again. I was devastated. What now? All my heart and soul was set on marrying Billy Briscoe. Well, I had to change my m

I grew up middle class in a very white, culturally conservative neighborhood. I didn't (knowingly) know a single queer person until I was in high school. I had interacted with exactly one black person before middle school. Everyone I knew was at least nominally Christian. I knew to look down on, ever so slightly, people whose family constellations looked differently than mine (married hetero parents, two kids, white picket fence). The additionally honest truth is that I was s

My first two kids arrived very mild mannered. They were playful and sweet and seemed to want to get along in the world (outside of agreeing to sleep). My third child, although incredibly happy, was very strong willed. When the others would toddle along into whatever event I brought them to, the third would run the other direction. When in trouble, the older two would sniffle and sit in time-out on their own. The third would scream, spit, and again run in the other direction.

Last week, I wrote about changing my mind about some personal beliefs and how, while I used to believe I couldn't change my mind out of sheer pride in being right, I've found I'm much happier and healthier when I allow myself to make a new decision when I realize an old one is causing harm. Being honest with yourself is a huge part of continuing to grow as a person. And with self-honesty comes humility. Which comes first? I cannot say. If you have any pride in your profession

And the two became one and lived happily ever after. The marriage we all expected to get? the beginning the pursuit the adventure the dance the climax the conclusion And yet, it hasn't even really begun. So many couples I meet with really love each other. Most come to me because they actually want to be closer, to be able to resolve their differences, to get to the root of their issues and learn how to love each other even better. But this blog isn't about them. This blog is

When's the last time you fell for someone? And what was it that made you fall? Is it pure animal attraction? Desirable character? Same life goals? Was it a romantic partner? Or can we also fall for influencers, performers, and educators? Maybe a magnetic personality? Religious leader? Political pundit? The implication of falling is that when you lean in like that you make yourself more vulnerable to whomever it is. You suddenly trust them more. Their opinion matters to you mo

Patriarchy is the term referred to colloquially as the system that values some over others. It's the system that gives power (and more money) to those with the most money. It expects some to work a little, while requiring others to work the skin off their own fingers. It's the system that says some voices are more important than other voices. It's not men. It's more like "the man." Patriarchy affects everyone. For those at the bottom it's oppressive and frustrating, demeani

Unfortunately accountability is a low value in the culture I live in. More likely we value a false sense of peace, maintaining the status quo and power structures, and southern charm. Which means when trouble arrises (e.g. offensive behavior, unethical treatment of others, subtle isms) we are more likely to look the other way, laugh uncomfortably, or swallow and move on. What we have failed to recognize is that bad behavior is like cancer. Without treatment, it poisons the wh

I have witnessed many humans traversing through life with a solid dead stare. The hurts, habits, and hangups have all become too much, so they've numbed and settled into the routine swell of solemn slavery. Whatever it is, they feel like they have to keep going. I don't want to disrespect this type of stability. It is certainly valuable to trudge through what must be endured. But let's be clear that there is another way to live. The other path perhaps feels sadder, because i

Want to build a healthy relationship long-term? A friend asked recently for a sort of monthly check-in that might be valuable in intentionally building a healthy long-term romantic relationship. This blog is my response to her. I have written a similar free guide on a weekly marriage "staff meeting" that you can find in the resources here if you want to practice some regular intentional marriage care. When you’re ready to start dating, you’re only at the beginning of a proc

I spent most of today stripping stain and varnish off a bed frame gifted to me by my aunt. I don't know what I'm doing. I watched a few YouTube videos, called a few experienced friends and borrowed a workspace and an orbital sander from a neighbor. I sent update pics to a few of my fans who cheered me on. I am learning as I go, failing and trying again. It's slow progress, but I am having a wonderful time. You could say that I spent most of my day alone, but it didn't feel li

What is it about adults that we forget how to play? My guess is it's the bills and the appointments and the meetings and the car...

Anytime you commit to a relationship with someone, you're essentially agreeing to work the emotional ground between you. It's a joint...

You and a friend meet for coffee. Over steaming lattes you chat it up about careers and the kids, politics and the stupid TikTok you...

"I just like to do nice things for people," she said. "I want them to feel like we have a bond and we can have fun together." Spending...

Being able to operate one-hundred percent freely is a privledge of only well-cared for children. When your parents have done a good job...

Walking with a lot of clients through dating, I have watched an interesting transformation happen. Clients longing to connect often first...

You walk into the first day at your new job excitedly wearing your red shoes. No one else is wearing red shoes. You gulp, put on your...

What are you afraid of? "I'm not afraid of anything," is what you are supposed to say. There's pressure in a fast moving world of...

One of the privileges of my job is the deep transparency many clients share with me. They often walk in ready to share so I have to be...