Victims of abuse often have to work through a wave of shame for not sharing what happened to them. They think, "Why didn't I say something sooner?" "Why didn't I speak up?" This is often compounded by the public narrative that, "If something like that happened, why did you wait till now to do something about it.?!? If you'd told us sooner we could have done something." But that shame is completely unhelpful. Speaking up about injustices that happen to you, while essential to

A lot of Christian marriage advice suggests that husbands and wives should be getting one-hundred percent of their connection and deep intimacy from the marriage bed, suggesting that if couples (read "men") don't have sex (read "intercourse"), they're deprived of an innate human need. No one's really talking about what women need in this scenario, as if women don't have any intimacy needs. This leaves wives with the weight of being the sole provider via her body for her husba

Every moment of connection presents with two options: the self-protective stance or the open, inviting stance. Which path you choose determines your depth of connection. Self-Protective People who choose self-protection are professionals. They are guarded (sometimes by a smile). They keep their cards close and operate almost robotically in a way to prevent others from knowing them. Sometimes this is a ruse--they look open and inviting, friendly and warm, but this only is only

As a family therapist, relationships are high on the list of topics my clients want to work through. Often they are in conflict with a person whom they love dearly and want to be close to. Unfortunately they are often trying to navigate this connection amidst of history of harm and offense. They want reconciliation, but can't find a way forward through residual pain. Reconciliation means "coming back together," implying that a connection that was once felt is currently broken

There is a regular complaint from some partners that if they could just have more sex in their relationship that life would be better. I've even heard of pastors and other therapists recommending this to their parishioners and clients. But "more sex" is a risky prescription at best and an overly simplistic solution to a deeper, more complex problem. Of course there are couples who have accidentally drifted away from prioritizing special time together, but most couples who fee