Disagreeing with you does not make a person toxic. Having a bad day does not make a person toxic. Being ignorant does not make a person toxic. Destroying others' lives is what makes you a toxic person. Toxic is the word we use to describe any environment that is more destructive than productive. You also might consider those environments poisonous or harmful. People and relationships can both be toxic. A person who is regularly harmful to others is toxic. A relationship can b

I have been loving the attention on the World Cup lately: all the enthusiastic fans, the cross-cultural support, the celebration antics. Anything that reminds us that the whole world is full of relatable humans, rather than objects to control or enemies to battle helps us all relax a little. There's so much goodwill going on. Not that I love the ticket prices for the World Cup. In fact, I'm confused as to who is actually able to purchase them. It's surely not the down and out

There's a fascinating statement the queer community directs toward the homophobic community. It challenges semantics and potentially exposes an ugly form of manipulation. It also applies to one of the most common experiences I work through with couples in my office. "Love is love." But is it? The very definition of the word needs to be clarified. Differentiation Between Intention and Impact Couples often come into my therapy office wildly upset and hurt by one another, when

Lately I'm very annoyed with the commandeering of the word "church" by Christians to mean something it does not actually mean, as in using the word "unchurched" to refer to people who do not regularly attend a formal worship service conducted by a business also referred to as "church". The First Church of Anywhere is not a church in the biblical sense of the word. Rather, it is a business. A business that hopefully serves and perhaps helps organize some believers in Jesus. Th

In order to develop, we have to feel safe. Once we feel safe, we can try freely, unafraid to fail (becuase we will fail). Recovering from failure is how we learn. Without safety, we can't fail. Without safety, we can't be honest about our failures. Without safety, we can't humbly acknowledge our failures. Therefore the precursers to health are safety and vulnerability. Interestingly, those are also precursors to intimacy. Safety is one of the primary concerns in the counselin