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Brandi K Harris, MS, LPC & LMFT

Maintenance + Dates

I am ashamed to say this, but I am naturally such a workaholic it would be easy to lose my mind into a wormhole of writing, thinking and planning. Without intentionality it could be days before I remembered my husband and kids even exist. It's embarrassing how obsessive I can get. Having been married for over twenty years, it's a wonder I haven't forgotten what color my husbands eyes are. We are often holding hands running full speed just to stay ahead of the tidal wave. But I don't want to lose track of his heart. That's why we date.


What exactly is a date? Here are the qualifications it has to meet:

  1. Dedicated time for enjoying each other.

  2. No distractions (like kids or work or our phones).

  3. Can cost money as long as neither of us is worried about breaking the bank.

  4. Can be a time to get stuff done together as long as it feels like a fun no-pressure choice, not a forced chore.

  5. Can include other people as long as we're not using them to avoid each other emotionally.

Want to date your spouse, but have a few hangups like not having the money to pay for a babysitter? Try swapping time with a couple in a similar stage of life. Watch each other's kids one night a month. Can't afford anything fancy? Even an ice-cream cone picnic can feel special if it's something you rarely do. Go for a hike or sit beside a lake. Stay-in date nights can be just as fun with a little planning, like the ideas found here.

Unsplash photo: Koko

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