What You See is NOT What You Get

I sit in my office staring into the soul of another human being about a thousand hours a year. I have been doing this for almost twenty years. That's twenty thousand hours over the course of my career. And that doesn't count the time I spend with my friends and family and all the years I spent coaching and playing sports, all navigating the nuances of human relationships and interactions. I'm highly extroverted and intuitive. If there is one thing I feel is true about most humans at this point, it is this: What you see is not what you get.

Beware of those who claim to be simple. Or clear. Or black and white. Be discerning, but gentle. When people say they are simple, they are either being dishonest with themselves, lack insight, or intentionally deceiving you. When a person walks into a room they are bringing every experience they've ever had with them (and some of their relatives' too). If those experiences have been painful, they are bringing that pain into the room. If they don't acknowledge the pain, they wield that sword pretty recklessly. If they know but haven't worked through the pain, they wield the sword with malice. If they have embraced the pain, they bring the carefulness and grace of nuance and empathy.

This is why it is important to do your emotional work. The moment you realize the depth of your own soul is the moment you become responsible for stewarding it. For those of us aware, who are doing our work, we must acknowledge that many others are not doing theirs. It is my adult responsibility to care for my own adult soul. It is my responsibility to do what I can to not harm others.