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Getting Got

Have you ever met someone you felt like almost immediately "got" you? It's an odd feeling, right? Like they somehow knew you before they knew you. Sometimes I wonder what that is... chemistry? Ancient shared ancestry? Common roots?

Either way, it's a lovely feeling. In a world where it's common to feel misunderstood, someone finally getting you is a relief. In the counseling world, we often call this feeling rapport. It's considered the most important element of a successful therapeutic relationship. In other words, it's healing.

To be a successful counselor, one has to be good at people. It helps a lot if you actually like people because feeling liked helps a person feel more at ease, as if they're accepted and therefore free to be themselves. Liking people is hard to fake. You can love people even when you don't like them, but it will be much harder for them to believe your love.

If you want to be a good lover of people, you have to consider what might be getting in the way of your love. If you don't actually like people, why not? Do you even like yourself? Of course there's lots about humans that is annoying, frustrating, and even scary, but if you want to love people, you have to grieve the painful things that have happened to you. If you tell me painful things haven't happened to you, you're not being honest with yourself about the hard world you live in. If you tell me you've grieved, but still feel no love for people, there may be some healing left to do. Be honest with yourself, face the hard, and join the fight to love well.

Unsplash Yang Song

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