The Story of Trauma

Trauma narratives are beliefs instilled following a damaging experience without sufficient support. For example, a person who's been in a bad car wreck might start to believe more broadly, "I'm not safe," or "I'm incompetent." These deeply held beliefs can crystalize when additional damaging experiences confirm the belief. For example, that same person may experience an assault or a failed relationship, further enforcing the belief that they're not safe or that they're incompetent.

The problem is not that these beliefs aren't situationally true, but that they aren't universally true.

While it might be accurate to describe the experience of a car wreck as "not safe," all highways are not so unsafe that no one should ever drive on them. Just because a person might have misunderstood or not had the tools they needed to be successful in one relationship does not mean that they should never be in any other relationships. The real problem is the broader application of shame or blame or fear.

A trauma narrative is just looking to be confirmed, believing the worst about every situation.

There are dozens of trauma narratives. Most having to do with a felt sense of a lack of safety or control, personal shame, or feeling overly responsible. These might sound like:

• I'm not safe.

• This is out of control.

• There's something wrong with me.

• I'm stupid/incompetent.

• I should have done something.

• I'm not good enough.

• I'm too much.

• I'm not enough.

Start noticing the trauma narratives in your life. What negative beliefs do you repeat to yourself about yourself? These are a great starting point for therapy. Just tell your therapist you're having a hard time with a repeating negative belief (or be real psycho-savvy and say you've identified a trauma narrative!). A good trauma therapist will know where to take you from there.