The Obsessive Mind and How to Stop Overthinking

I loved school, but I especially loved math. It was the only subject where there was a single correct solution to a concrete problem. The simplicity was relieving in a world of grey. Getting points off on my math tests lit a fire in me to identify the problem I missed and figure out the actual answer. I immediately combed through the exam number by number, looking for what exactly I had gotten wrong. Quite a few times I found mistakes my teachers had made.

The voracious hunt inevitably ended with a huge sense of relief and sometimes pride for finding my teacher's faults. In general I don't see myself as a perfectionist, but boy do I like to get things right. It's a game I play with myself that's really fun to win.

There is something soothing to my brain about hunting for logical errors. It focuses me like nothing else.

The downside of having this type of brain is that sometimes it steals the rest of my life. I can get cranky when interrupted from my obsession and I can lose track of all the other things I've meant to prioritize. For others with an obsessive brain it can steal their relationships, making it very hard to forgive or move past an offense or hurt. We often call these obsessive people "overthinkers."

Overthinking can be a personality trait, but it can also be a trauma response. When hard things have happened to you, your brain helps you survive by obsessively combing through experiences to make sure the same hard thing doesn't happen again, whether that is evaluating the past or anticipating the future. It makes sense for survival, but it can be all-consuming, preventing that person from enjoying the present good life.

How do I stop overthinking?

If you're overthinking, keep in mind these two points:

1. You're the only one who can change this.

   
   

   Many people choose to depend on others to distract them from their over-thinking. If no one interrupts, they just keep obsessing. While your friends can be helpful in coming alongside your efforts to keep a wider focus, it is both your responsibility and your opportunity to do the work of learning how to move on from a temptation to overthink. You can do this by practicing meditation or by going to see a counselor who can help you alter your thinking.

2. You can't just let go; you need something new to focus on.

Sweeping out a living space just makes more room for dirt to come in. If you want to stop focusing on item A, you need to figure out which item you want to focus on instead. What are you going to fill the room with? This is where meditation and mindfulness can come in. You need to decide what you would like to make your life about if it's not going to be about the obsession. Find something that makes you excited and happy to pursue. Identify the type of life you'd like to build. Spend some time imagining what that would be and then how you might develop it.

Obessing about math problems didn't cause me too much trouble. (Although I'm sure my English teacher would have preferred I pay more attention instead of doing my math homework in in her class.) I still obsess over things from time to time, especially when I am stressed, but keeping in mind that I am the only one in charge of my life helps me remember I have the power and control to change my own destiny. I am not a victim. I can chose the life I want to live now and I can access the healing offered to me--and you can too.