In the well-framed words by Esther Perel, she describes the confusing message of purity culture as "Sex is bad and dirty, but save it for the one you love."
She says in her healing podcast Where Should We Begin (S:2017, E:Speak to Me in French), "I want you to imagine good and sexual. If you're going to use this very interesting line [from purity culture], how can you be sexual, adult, responsible and good."
So how can we be sexual and good? One of the first places I start is my own createdness. If I believe that I am created by a good God, then I have to believe that the things He made in me are good—including my body, my desires, and my longings to connect. And from there I can believe that even my eroticism is something He is happy with and proud of. Of course things can get twisted, but I have to start there—believing that my sexuality is good at its core.
And from there we can figure out how to use it in a good way.
Unsplash photo cred: Markus Spiske