When I was in college, I decided to shave my head. I had always wondered what it felt like to actually be able to rub my own skull beneath my fingertips through the buzz of short hair. I didn't have any upcoming job interviews. I didn't have a significant other who objected. I just wanted to.
My parents did not approve. My peers thought I was a freak. My pastor cousin called to make sure I was ok. I also stopped plucking my eyebrows and kept letting my leg hair grow. Everyone seemed concerned. But I just wanted to.
I have always had so many questions about the world. Why do we value the things we do, especially when they seem somewhat irrational? Being a very brain-driven person (rather than heart-driven), I can easily lean too heavily into logic. I tried to argue with my community about why this was the right thing to do, but they weren't having it. It hurt their feelings. It confused them. But I just wanted to.
I love to push the edges of what we believe. I am always curious around an apparent limit. Has it gotten me and others hurt? Yes. Offended the world around me? Yes. Have I discovered new territory and made free paths for others? Also yes. To me, it is worth it.
At forty-five I consider the risks a little more carefully, but I am not done learning. I will not stop trying. I will not stop making people uncomfortable. Some of you will be done following me when I cross into territory you feel forbidden. I respect your right to decide for yourself what you feel is appropriate limit pushing. But for me, who knows? Maybe I will shave my head again.
