Midlife Crisis = Midlife Adolescence

Buying a sports car and getting some botox? Running off to Paris for a week? Walking out of church and quitting your job on a whim? Did someone say midlife crisis?

Physically, humans mature such that by the time they're twenty-four their brains and bodies are fully developed. But mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, we may take a lifetime. Or we may never arrive at fully functioning!

As actual adolescents, some kids throw off old expectations and buck the system, running around late at night and smoking behind the fieldhouse. They are notoriously anti-establishment and pretty much brats about doing whatever they're supposed to be doing. But they're developing in that behavior. It's a pushing away from the things they once depended on for survival. They're trying to figure out if they can do it on their own, by running full speed ahead and scraping their nose on the sidewalk. They act haphazard, but it's a very normal part of growing up and really important for developing independence.

But some kids are not like that. There are "good kids" who stick with the program, duck their heads and just keep following in line.

I don't actually believe in good kids and bad kids. All kids are a little bit scared. Some feel scared of staying home. Some feel scared of leaving. Some feel scared of losing their community connections. Some feel scared of having to stay connected to unsafe communities. But scared behavior can look really different from person to person. "Good" behavior and "bad" behavior can both be effects of fear.

Often those "good kids" from adolescence, who were at the time too afraid to jump or overly comfortable in their connections get to a point in midlife where they are finally dissatisfied enough with going with the flow and finally self-sufficient enough to not need old structures that they decide to make a run for it. Becoming an adult is all about knowing how to connect and how to remain yourself. We're all just sorting out who we are and how we relate to others. If we have been well connected all along, it can feel really good to test out our ability to step out on our own two feet.

If we think of midlife crises as a round of adolescence, the wiley behavior makes sense. Those "good kids" see the end coming and think, "Wait, it's almost over?!? But I haven't done _______ yet!" No one wants to regret not giving life their best shot. We crave a more stimulating, congruent with the unique self, fulfilling life, so we decide to finally jump!

Of course there are risks in upending your life like that, so consider the costs. It's a real test to your community to see if they will love you even if you're acting a bit crazy. Sometimes these midlife crises require a complete dismantling of old community and integration into a new one. But for some, pushing out is worth it. Pushing off old expectations and social mores, those in midlife are ready to break out of the box to figure out what more life can be.