Over my almost twenty years as a counselor, there are a few goals clients have set that encapsulate what I believe many humans long for. One of those being the desire to be "free to love."
What does this mean?
This therapeutic goal is comes from a life that is in some way tied down or tangled. Clients report feeling locked up in their own heads, overly busy, confused or in great pain, reacting rather than responding. While they desire to love others, they find themselves in self-centered spirals of fear or self-protection.
What sets us free to love?
Most often the need is humble grief: facing the pain that has brought us down and being honest about what holds us there. At the time we're hurt we often have to work hard to survive, postponing feelings because it's not safe to really feel them. Sometimes we don't have the support or resources we need to lean into the vulnerability that comes with feeling our feelings.
Healing also includes looking directly at the choices we make that continue to hold us back: dishonesty with ourselves, selfishness, self-harm as a form of punishment, negative inner narratives, lack of self-care or self-discipline, or poor boundaries. Recognizing what we do to hold ourselves back then requires us to do something about it. Healing requires us to take graceful responsibility for ourselves (meaning we have to face it and move forward from there, not just sit there beating ourselves up).
Not all of my clients are believers, but as a follower of Jesus, I need to add that both of these healing needs are provided by the Lord. He is both a resource and a companion in our pain, as well as a firm and gentle encourager for us to move forward. Knowing Him and walking with Him through the pain and recovery is the very stuff of sanctification.
Let's get free to love.
Comments