Choosing Soft
Every moment of connection presents with two options: the self-protective stance or the open, inviting stance. Which path you choose determines your depth of connection.
Self-Protective
People who choose self-protection are professionals. They are guarded (sometimes by a smile). They keep their cards close and operate almost robotically in a way to prevent others from knowing them. Sometimes this is a ruse--they look open and inviting, friendly and warm, but this only is only a mask. Other times it is a purposeful brick wall, unfriendly vibes and direct anger or emotionless stone.
Self-protection can be a successful strategy. Not only does it keep people from knowing sinister intent, but it can also hide the shame, pain, and disappointment we all feel. It moves the world forward in the disconnected dance that keeps us asleep and bored. There is no real life is self-protection.
However, self-protection can sustain you. Sometimes in the deepest of tragedies we need time hidden away in community with only our safest few to heal before we can safely engage with strangers. (But let's be clear, this wisdom of prudence is always paired with vulnerable openness with a select few. Without that it is pure isolation and death).
Open/Inviting
People who choose to be open are brave. Chosen vulnerability always brings with it a high risk of rejection. Very rarely does the world love you for being the exact mess you are. And yet, in that bravery is where we find life.
There is undeniable beauty in the softness of transparency. It's attractive and welcoming. Seeing it in others makes us want to do it ourselves. Those who are naturally open (those who struggle with impulse control or who have obvious disadvantages) usher forward a type of connection the rest of us struggle to achieve. They also pay dearly for their vulnerability in great criticism and being taken advantage of, unless those who love them are protective for them.
So what path will you choose today? And with whom? If you desire connection, be brave. Find spaces to joyfully be yourself. Choose soft and open. If you are deeply wounded, run back to those who have loved you well. Gently share those injuries with them so that you can heal and become open again.
