Time to Wrestle

Sometimes my husband and I get into a funk where we are just missing each other. I misinterpret things he says. He doesn't hear things I say. We are focused on different values and forget we're actually on the same team. We are flat out on opposite pages and because of the speed and complexity of our lives we can sometimes go for days with an air of yuck between us.


If we're not careful, the few days can turn into weeks or longer. Sometimes it's because we've snagged on an old wound or uncovered a misaligned goal that needs a little therapy to untangle, but sometimes we've just not had the time we need to sort through all the feelings and thoughts that come with the intricacies of married life. There's a lot there! Kids, household duties, passions, sex, careers, families of origin, taxes, retirement, church, faith...


Sometimes the thing we need more than anything is the time to wrestle. It just takes a bit to lay all that out, finding and examining the parts that are broken or are just starting to crack. It might take a good cry and an expressive (but not harmful) fit.


If that's what you need right now, please carve out the time to work it out. Putting it off for another week could crumble the whole house. Hire a babysitter or trade some babysitting time with friends who also need time. Dates are wonderful, but sometimes they're just not possible when you're so flustered you can barely see straight. If this is where you are, wrestle first. Don't try to build on that cracked foundation.

Unsplash: Ramin Khatibi

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