Most people don't know how to listen. They know how to talk. They know how to perceive. They know how to assume and rant and space out. But they don't know how to listen.
Listening takes self-control. Not just being able to keep your mouth shut, but also being able to keep your mind still and being able to wait. And being able to imagine what it's like to be that other person. It also takes being listened to.
I see couples all the time who are good at talking. And playing games. And making assumptions about each other. I don't see very many who know how to really listen. It usually takes us quite a few sessions for them to really begin to feel listened to. THEN they can begin listening to each other.
Our mirror neurons have to register that someone actually sees us—is able to MIRROR what we are experiencing. BELIEVE what we're experiencing. VALIDATE what we're experiencing. And once that happens we can do that for others. Being listened to changes your brain. It changes your heart.