I'm realizing as an entrepreneur I have an intense fear of being taken advantage of. That stress darkens everything I do and steals my joy as I prepare to reveal my heart yet again in the public eye. It holds me frozen when things go wrong: You are being taken advantage of. They're stealing your money. They're stealing your ideas. You'll never get paid for all this work you've done. You've lost it all. I become hopeless. Like safety and progress are impossible and efforts are only worth what people pay. Like there's no point in winning if I don't get a prize. I barely remember there was a purpose beyond making money.
I'm teary today. Overwhelmed. But I have to walk forward.
I'm trying so hard to trust that Jesus is in the boat with me. I'm trying to believe that I really am ok and can trust Him to shepherd the hell out of my life, even if I am SO exposed. And that even if my shipmates turn against me, He will protect me like the most brilliant warrior and we WILL make it to the other side together.
I am going to be ok. But right now I feel like I'm not.
Unsplash photo cred: Anandu Vinod